戸塚祥太 の ジョーダンバットが鳴っている No. 3 [ダ・ヴィンチ 2014.01]
JORDAN’S BAT IS RUMBLING
ジョーダンバットが鳴っている
by
Totsuka Shota
No. 3: The Music Station Incident
Very personal essays from Totsuka Shota of Johnny’s acrobatic unit A.B.C-Z. While reflecting on events this book-lover searches for “links” in the books he has read.
“Totsuka-san, you went on Music Station wearing a bandana and granny glasses. You stood apart from from A.B.C-Z and the other performers. Were you just messing around? We heard harsh feedback from viewers like, ‘He’s got no awareness of pulling in new fans.’ But what really happened?”
A reporter asked me this the other day. I’ve accepted that my appearance and behavior on Music Station caused a lot of displeasure but, regarding the incident, the story hasn’t yet been told accurately. I suppose what that reporter asked was representative of what fans wanted to know. I couldn’t come up with a good answer on the spur of the moment when faced with the question but it is the duty of the man in question to apologize and to reveal the whole story. In this column, I’m going to write down everything that happened and I’d like you to come to your own conclusions.
The day of the Music Station episode now under consideration, August 30, 2013, we had the first rehearsal time so we arrived at TV Asahi at 10 in the morning.
Using only one camera we wouldn’t just be on the soundstage but also running around the inside of the television station itself. Our act--we call it a “One Camera Show”--weaves together acrobatics and quick costume changes, along with the singing and dancing. What you don’t see on TV is the back end, the camera person, the lighting person, the sound person, the costume person, a crowd of people racing around like crazy. (This is a trite example but it’s like an obstacle course.) Our connection with the staff-san is what gives life to the act. After we do a “dress rehearsal” to check the particulars, we’ll do it again with any revisions. It was 11am when we’d gotten everything all worked out and for the moment rehearsal was over. We returned to the green room and our manager told us, “The run through is at 5 pm, so be here on standby by 4:30 pm.” A run through is when the staff and performers go through the entire show just like it was the real thing. There’s no room for error in the live broadcast so a run through is necessary.
Knowing we had a long wait ahead of us, I wanted to calm my nerves so all at once I decided to go home. Even though we’d all back-danced for sempai numerous times on Music Station, this was only our second Music Station appearance as A.B.C-Z. And on top of that, our last appearance had been a year and a half ago. Even arriving home couldn’t quiet my agitation. My mind was a tessellation of thoughts on the anticipated performance a few hours later. A lot of people would be watching the live broadcast and of course it would be a chance to let people know about A.B.C-Z but it was also a chance to have them know about me as an individual. So, I thought that I would show some self-expression by wearing a beloved accessory. A live broadcast is a fight against time. Even in daily life I’m bad at talking so little of the talk portions in our past TV appearances had been left to me. This time, I thought, I would show my personal appeal through the sense of sight, through fashion.
My room has small things like books and accessories scattered around and as I was about to head back out a bandana carelessly strewn on top of the sofa entered my field of vision. It was a Harley Davidson overstock that I’d bought by chance the previous night at a consignment store! Stylish. Soon I was standing in front of a full length mirror, wearing the bandana, delighted that my appearance had a whiff of rock and roll about it. Then, because I was already wearing bulky corrective lenses, I picked out and tried on my special, favorite English made granny glasses. In the mirror, I thought I looked like I’d blended together the Beatles’ John Lennon and Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards styles. Alright! I’m gonna do the performance like this! And, with my mind made up, I left my house.
Having steeled myself for the first Music Station in a while, I was feeling conceited that we’d put on an awesome performance for the run through, then the for actual show, but returning to our dressing room, the atmosphere was tense. I could see, to a small degree, that the other member’s faces seemed depressed. During the song there hadn’t been a single mistake. What was different this time was I had added the granny glasses and bandana to the jacket-style costumes the five of us were wearing. That’s what I was thinking when a staff-san cornered me.
“Tottsu, yuck. I’m pretty sure the bandana and glasses are not going to go over well.”
“Is that so… I’m sorry.”
But at the same time I thought, well, why? And for having that feeling that despite everything, I also apologize. On the way home, I received a message from our manager-san. “Tomorrow when you have free time, we need to talk.” I guessed it had to do with that night’s Music Station and as soon as I got home I checked the recorded program on my VTR.
Upon seeing it, my first thought was, “I was way too over-excited!” And even when I wanted to look at the other members, unfortunately, hovering at the edge of my vision was me, looking distinctly different from the others. What I was, was a terrible show off. Honestly, even I was surprised at myself. Naturally the fans who had hoped to see the same A.B.C-Z as always were shocked. Above and beyond all else I belong to a group. My number one priority should be that the whole group is seen. While I was beginning to understand that, our second Music Station appearance blew away and a valuable chance for A.B.C-Z to get recognized was sunk.
“About yesterday’s Music Station, I’m also responsible because I didn’t stop you from going on looking like that. It shouldn’t have happened. I understand the heightened feelings around appearing on Music Station after a long time but Totsuka’s frivolous attitude was not becoming of a professional artist appearing in front of the public.”
Our manager-san said something like this.
“Totsuka, there’s no point to you going on stage mimicking your favorite stars. Nobody wants to see that. We want to see Totsuka just the way he is.”
Those words pierced my heart. I wasn’t tackling challenges with my own power but bringing my idols up on stage with me. It may honestly be a style I prefer but the viewers don’t care about my selfishness. Even though we’ve had personal items as part of our costumes many times before this, the balance with the members had always been taken into account. Besides, we have solo spots for displaying our own personalities. What, I wondered, did the other group members think me showing off my own colors during an important TV appearance for the group? Even though I now I can reflect calmly on what happened, I still wonder why I crossed the line in differentiating myself like that?
A fluxuation in our roles within the group, frustration with not being able to do the things I wanted, and all the burning energy of 26 years old. Those things became entwined and together with my feelings of elation and pushed me towards this outcome, which, unfortunately, was my off-target self-expression. The main principle was a feeling of, “I want A.B.C-Z to be known.” Since I desired for both the group and myself, personally, to be recognized, I suppose I thought there was a need to distinguish myself among the five members. I want to sincerely apologize for causing the fans to be disappointed and for worrying the staff.
And most importantly I need to tell this to the members of A.B.C-Z. Thinking along those lines, that night, I sent an apology mail to Kawai-kun. Immediately I received a reply as follows:
“To be honest, I was surprised! It was our second time on Music Station and I understand being all pumped up. And there are things I can’t let go of, like in the MC part I feel like all I was doing was spinning my wheels.
But don’t forget that you’re not alone, the five of us are doing this together! Each of us has our own style of doing things but don’t forget we’re a group. As long as we continue to do things the A.B.C-Z way, we’ll be okay! That’s what I’ve always thought! I believe A.B.C-Z’s going to make it! But right now even if I come on strong I won’t get through to you. Let’s absolutely try to shock everyone with our achievements!
You’re not alone so if you need anything just ask, okay! I don’t know if this is what you want to hear but I hope you’re listening. Let’s keep our eyes on the prize!”
Kawai-kun was almost unbearably kind to me, the one who broke the implicit “group comes first” rule. He understood that I was amped up and didn’t blame me but encouraged me. The other members were the same, gently supporting me. Not one person blamed me for my recklessness. Their attitude towards me didn’t change a bit. Instead, they showed something like a heartwarming concern for me.
I’d done something before without consulting anybody and it caused a lot of grief. Two and a half years ago, when I was determined to leave Johnny’s and I shaved my head.
Each of us has our own roles to play when it comes to thinking about choreography and acrobatics and concert planning. But I have no particular speciality and am usually just on the receiving end of instructions. And on stage, I don’t have much to show off in the way of skills in song and dance or in the MC. Eventually the feelings that I couldn’t contribute to either side of A.B.C-Z reached a boiling point and I thought, “Wouldn’t they be better off without me?” And, rashly, I decided to quit. So, in the middle of rehearsal, I simply gathered my stuff and slipped out. I had just shaved my head when our manager called.
In my discussion with the agency something unforeseen occurred to me, if I quit and A.B.C-Z became four people, that group that continued on would probably be pretty grim. For more than ten years, I’d shared highs and lows with the other members. There was every possibility that I would leave a hole in these guys’ dreams and possibly even break them… that was something I absolutely I couldn’t do because I really love the other four members. I’ve seen their hard work and great struggles firsthand and it would be unthinkable if they aren’t repaid for it. It they don’t find success, I think I can confidently proclaim that God is unfair.
“Thinking a flower you’ve seen is beautiful, it’s because you think the flower needs you.”----is a passage from a book I’ve read, Oota Hikari-san’s『マボロシの鳥』(Maboroshi no Tori, The Bird of Legend). To my eyes, the other four members appear radiant, perhaps it’s because they need me. Coming to understand this, the result was that I stayed on, and now here I am.
For me, who gives in easily to negative thinking, my brothers-in-arms will bring me back with these words: “This is where you belong.” We’ve been together a long time and sometimes we still misunderstand each other but if they’re in trouble and there was something I could do, I’d want to tell them: “You’re not alone so if you need anything just ask, okay!
Thank you, A.B.C-Z. And please continue to take care of me.
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This month’s linked book:
『マボロシの鳥』 The Bird of Legend
太田光 Oota Hikari
That night, the Orion Theater was overflowing with people. Everyone was buzzing in anticipation of theater artist Chikabuu’s program, “The Bird of Legend.” It holds a beauty that has charmed 10,000 people but it’s a beauty that sows unbelievable dischord among those who see it. Chikabuu accidentally loses the bird------ (Title work) These nine short stories are from an unknown country and era. Oota Hikari confronts us with our human desires in his first story collection.
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“You…... look at this flower, why do you think it’s beautiful? Do you know?”
“......Why? It’s because……”
Chikabuu spoke again to the tongue-tied, middle-aged man.
“Because you’re thinking that the flower needs you. …...Flowers need you. I suppose that’s a rather odd remark. But it’s quite true. When you see a flower and feel it’s beauty, without fail it’s because the flower needs you. This world needs you. That’s the reason you’re able to feel it. For me, in those days, any nearby pebble would have appeared to be a gem.”
(from page 227)
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Totsuka says:
After reading The Bird of Legend, I had the opportunity to be on Waratte Ii Tomo! with Oota-san. Bravely, I said, “I thought your book was interesting. I’m going to read it a second time.” And I said I was going to read The Children of Culture, too.
The wonderful conversation in the excerpt is from the title story in the short story collection I introduced this time, “The Bird of Legend”, but my favorite is “Mouse.” I think if you can understand why that work attracts me you’ll have me all figured out.