An Appreciation of the Signature Art of Hello-Pro by Matsuko Deluxe
This essay is taken from Matsuko Deluxe's 2014 book of essays titled 『デラックスじゃない』 or "I'm not Deluxe." She is a delightful essayist and I highly recommend it if you enjoy witty writing.
Notes are at the bottom. As always, I am NOT a professional translator. I do this for fun and for language practice. Please do not use this for anything other than personal enjoyment. If you think I made a mistake or got something wrong, please let me know so I can fix it. Just do so kindly, please. [Originally posted February 17, 2015]
An Appreciation of the Signature Art of Hello-Pro
~Head over heels for the idols who sing the songs of Japan~
A woman with a “rakish” realness is just so delicious, isn’t she?
It’s June 2014 and Yagucchan, Yaguchi Mari, has fallen off the face of the planet. Perhaps the lady herself wants to become active in show business again soon but if she’s gone for too long then timing a comeback will to be difficult. And, darlings, if that’s the case, only Yagucchan’s “wild child” character will live on. Like her former “Momusu” (now officially “Morning Musume ‘14”) sisters-in-arms, there’s a reason she can’t play a cute mama or a cute wife character.
While her husband was away in February 2013, she’d brought five-years-younger male model Umeda Kenzo home to enjoy herself with. But the husband also returned home--ahead of schedule. The “part-time lover,” still naked, hid himself in the closet but the poor thing was soon discovered.
The mismatched couple with a height difference of 47.5 cm [~1½ ft] eventually divorced after a mere two years together, so if Yagucchan still brings her male model home for a quickie and sends her actor ex-boyfriend booty-call texts saying, “The old man’s not here today so wanna come over?”......then she must be a woman with no self control. Meaning, she’s blameless. Come to think of it, the reason Yagucchan left “Momusu” was getting her photo snapped on a date with Oguri Shun.
Society threw shade at her, even after divorce. Later that year in fall, it came to light that she was continuing her “forbidden affair” with Umeda and society judged her again: “She hasn’t learned her lesson!” Well, my god, it’s because she’s a woman with no self control. One section of the crowd was cheering for her, though: “She’s standing by her man.”
“My wife thinks that because of the celebrity baby boom right now, it’d be old news if we had a kid.” When Nakamura Masaya, her ex-D-BOYS ex-husband, said this on some TV show, Yagucchan’s calculating ways were revealed. Though it seems to me, she was simply talking about earning her daily bread.
The ex-hubby and the side piece shared a common feature--they were both over 180 cm [5’11”] tall. Even about men, she knows her mind. And as for the model, I didn’t think his face was anything special--meaning, I thought he was tall and beefy.
Well, if these are the type of men Yagucchan likes, that simply means she married one out of the many available. Since we’ve reached this point, I’d like to dwell on it. Say she was at a gokon and there happened to be a guy there with a height of over 180 cm. First order of business, she’d take him home.
When a woman does something like this she’s censured but don’t men do the same thing? There’s always been loads of men who’ll only marry the cute type or the big boobed type. And yet, because she’s a woman, we see Yagucchan as bad. She’s a “rake”. If pressed, I’d say she's the Hino Shohei type, with the ability to juggle up to 10 lovers, one at a time.
The women Hino Shohei-san broke up with don’t hate him. They say, “It’s Hino Shohei so what can you do.” I do hope Yagucchan also reaches this point, where we can say something like, “Yagucchan, seems like you switched men again. And this one’s over 180 cm, too. Do try and treat him right, darling.” And because she’s a tiny little thing of woman, it’s too delicious.
Living her life exactly how she wants, in a big family where all the children have different fathers. Why, that’s even more than Big Daddy’s ex-wife Minako.
------What am I doing? Letting my imagination run wild even though Yaguchi Mari is still having shade thrown at her. Anyways, Yagucchan is a “wild woman” and a “rake.” A woman with a character like this doesn’t come around too often.
Things are always entertaining with the problem child around. That’s the “Momusu” calling card.
“Momusu” is a treasure chest of talented girls, which means, of course, that it’s completely different from the mish-mash of AKB48.
And the recent iteration of “Momusu” is still entertaining, you know. Actually, I’m forever checking in with “Momusu.” With no hobbies to speak of, my pleasures are few enough in number, I dare say.
In “Momusu,” the young ones are added to the group at a steady pace and because they cross paths with the veterans, they get something like a “gifted education” in the “tradition,” and, oh my god, all of them are such characters~.
Nigaki Riisa, Tanaka Reina, and Mitsui Aika have all quit, which means Michishige Sayumi is the only member left over 20 and she’s set to graduate in the autumn 2014 tour. Then, in November this year, Iikubo Haruna will turn 20 and they’ve also got Ishida Ayumi, Ikuta Erina, Fukumura Mizumi but the others are under 16. They’re in middle school or just about to enter middle school. But, my god, we’ve already been shown a “glimpse” and all of them look about 30 years old. Completely different from AKB, you know.
I mean, in face and body Suzuki Kannon looks like that Matsuzaka Kimiko (if anybody doesn’t know who she is, look her up yourself.) Sato Masaki looks like one of the lady college students who used to go on the old show All Night Fuji, with that fusty mug of hers. And there’s one more, Ikuta Erina. Looking at her transports you to a low-rent hostess bar.
It’s extremely unlikely any of these three will become the group’s center but, for some reason, you know, I can’t help being drawn to their realness. I predict they’ll emerge as unbelievable “monsters” after five years of fermentation. Including Oda Sakura, the new member from the 11th generation, oh my god, “Momsu” has become like a safari park. That’s Hello Pro, darlings, amazing as always.
Looking at this young generation, I know we can trust the history of the group beyond 2015 to these kouhai. They can't compete against today’s idol groups. But, you know, it you look over a long span, even in the eras when the group is out of favor, they still have members supporting them.
One time there was a concert with Nigaki Riisa, Takahashi Ai, Mitsui Aika, Michishige Sayumi, and Tanaka Reina, just those five. But that line-up had so much power. Tanaka Reina and Takahashi Ai are good at singing. And just a little before that, they’d had two exchange students from China as members, who sang backup in the choruses.
Anyways, it’s an amazing line-up. And they used to have Goto Maki, too, didn’t they. Things are always entertaining with a problem child around. Nothing like that fuss about head shaving, either. Not like the basic bitches who pass for problem children in AKB, like Sashihara Rino. Maybe if they demonstrated a little more understanding of what “realness” is, they’d be a little more entertaining, wouldn’t they. But they hide all their flaws. Well, within all that, Itano Tomomi, who’s already graduated, was entertaining, though. Certainly, she’s shares that loner image with Tanaka Reina. Tanaka Reina seems like a gorgeous yankee who quits high school after a week. And that’s why I like her.
By nature, Michishige Sayumi isn’t the type of girl to join a group, either. I think she’s just about flawless, visually. And nobody in AKB reaches that level of beauty. And then there’s things like Mitsui Aika’s no-eyebrows game, even in middle school-age there were lots of things to nitpick. I’m so glad that kind of “foreign substance” was mixed in and we can see the contrasts.
My god, lyrics that “feel like they’re supporting Japan” hit me right in the gut.
Furthermore, I’m absolutely not the “walking information database” type of idol fan. For example, I don’t understand the AKB-style “lyrics that hopeless guys can think are about them.” The “Momusu” way of “I don’t know why but these lyrics kind of feel like they’re supporting Japan” hit me right in the gut.
That recent one had passion as the base but, you know, there were also fragments in the song like “there is no tomorrow.” They made the brand new member Oda Sakura belt out, “Stand proud.” [About 1 minute into the linked video.] That song also has lyrics like, “Re-tie the strings of your helmet.” How can young kids empathize with that?! Surely, they have no idea what “helmet strings” even are. And a middle schooler would never have any reason to say something like, “There is no tomorrow.” The imbalance that is “Momusu” is magnificent.
I was unsurprised by Yagucchan’s divorce, but oh my god, was I ever astonished when Yasuda Kei-chan married an Italian chef the day before. Of all the members who’d gotten married, Kei-chan snagged the top quality goods?! What kind of treachery was this? I crumbled to pieces. Kei-chan, are you happy~? Kei-chan, please stay the course~.
Incidentally, Yagucchan and Kei-chan were both 2nd generation members, as was the remarried in 2012, gave birth to her third child in March of 2013 Ichii Sayaka. All three were wild women. I think if they’d had a little self-control, they would have found a good place in the entertainment industry.
Well, even if that’s what I think, Yagucchan is at “the next stage of evolution,” isn’t she. Her circumstances aren’t particularly strange. I hope she always remains a 180 cm slayer. I hope she announces, “There’s no value in men who are shorter than 180 cm.” From this day forward, I hope she’ll take charge at the head of an army of “wild women,” holding the line together, so they’ll never be extinguished.
“Kouhaku” is a festival. I want to see enthusiasm, fan service, and weird shit.
“Momusu” should have been a lock for 2013’s 『NHK紅白歌合戦』 [NHK Kouhaku Uta Gassen; NHK’s Red and White Song Battle] but they weren’t chosen. They'd had a string of 3 number one songs and as well as other activities when the Kouhaku performers were announced for this year. It’s been six years since they last performed on Kouhaku and although they should have had a lock on it, they failed.
“Kitajima Saburou Retiring From Kouhaku This Year” When, at the close of that same year, I saw the headline in the tabloids I thought, “If the icon Sabu-chan is gone then at long last ‘Kouhaku Uta Gasen’ is over for me.”
When Sabu-chan sung 『風雪ながれ旅』[Fuusetsunagare tabi; The journey during snow/hardships] as the grand finale the confetti fluttered about so violently that it reached the audience. When he finished he wiped confetti from the side of his mouth with a little embarrassed smile…… My god, watching that scene is the essence of “Kouhaku.” That is the sort of thing I want to see. That is Sabu-chan’s big gift to the people.
Alas, from now on, we’ll gradually stop seeing scenes like that even in “Kouhaku”. After the finale with Ikimonogakari’s basic selves (at the end of 2012), it seems as if it’ll turn into something no different than programs like “FNS 歌謡祭” [FNS Kayousai] (Fuji TV) or “Music Station Special” (TV Asahi). I wonder if everybody’s okay with this.
What I obsess over in “Kouhaku” is that all the performers are fired up to an outrageous level. Sabu-chan, yes, DREAMS COME TRUE when they were the grand finale of 2009 and changed the lyrics of "その先へ" to a “special Kouhaku version”, yes.
Dream’s Yoshida Miwa, my god, she wore a white dress that was mini in front and long in the back and she shouted as came on stage. Yoshida Miwa put her life on the line for “Kouhaku”. She was super aware of the fact that she was singing on “Kouhaku”. If they can put that much into it the people watching will completely get it. And that’s why those voices asking, “Why were Dream the grand finale?!” were silenced, weren’t they.
Of course, “Kouhaku” is different from other productions. No matter how many hundreds of times the songs have been sung, for “Kouhaku”, we the television audience are given performances that make us think, “Ah, they’re all fired up.” That’s why it’s entertaining.
Because it’s “Kouhaku,” even Kimura Takuya doing his unnecessary kobushi, among other things, is an impressive scene. Not to mention we have the time when Wada Akiko was the grand finale and when she got to the chorus halfway through “今あなたに歌いたい” [Ima Anana ni Utaitai; I want to sing for you now] she put down her microphone and kept singing. Akko-san was amazing in that performance, wasn’t she. That is the kind of thing I want to see, with all of “Kouhaku” tuned in to the same channel.
Just like Nakajima Miyuki or Yazawa Iekichi, both of whom are completely dissimilar people but invariably they’ll show us something we can only see on “Kouhaku”. But doesn’t that just mean I should say “Kouhaku Uta Gassen” is specially packaged?
Nakajima Miyuki forgetting the lyrics from sheer nervousness while broadcasting live from the inside the Kurobe Dam tunnel in the intense winter cold was entertaining but MISIA singing “Everything" and another song while standing on a sand dune in the middle of a strong wind, wearing a traditional costume, in the Namib Desert in the African Republic of Namibia, where the temperatures exceed 50°C. Oh my god, wasn’t that was a highlight, too. Wasn’t it was the best scene in the entire 2012 “Kouhaku”. Wasn’t it a huge gift when it broke through everything up to that point. I watched my recording on fast forward but I slowed it down for MISIA’s scene, you know.
For a mere six minute interval, the entire production cost for about six minutes of Kouhaku can be as much as ¥50 million and it’s criticised for that. Certainly commercial broadcasts can’t be spending that kind of money. But it’s alright. It’s alright that “everybody’s license fees” are used that way for our sake. As long as they show us things to make us say, “I’m glad I saw that weird shit” and “Well, you couldn’t see this on a normal low-budget show”, it’s alright.
For example, 2012 was the first appearance for Golden Bomber. The entire audience in the concert hall got into the spirit and put on white-painted face masks. The old grannies and grandpas who didn’t know a thing about the group must have felt like, “These guys are fun, aren’t they.” I mean, even when we might not know the music, if the performers are fired up, the entertainment value will come across.My god, it’s like “If you’re not fired up, why are you performing!!” Don’t come on “Kouhaku” with the same attitude as if you were promoting a new CD on “Music Station.” You’re participating in a festival so give us something in the style of festival!This is what I mean. In 2006 when DJ Ozma was on and the lady background dancers wore body suits that looking like their bare boobs that was an appropriately enthusiastic performance. We couldn’t take our eyes off the screen. When that kind of “Kouhaku” performance really stays with us, darlings, why are they scolded about it. It’s extremely irritating.
If neither Momusu or Sabu-chan is on, Kouhaku is over for me.
If AKB was going to dance while wearing topless bodysuits for “Kouhaku” I, for one, would give them huge props. But that will never happen. And that’s why I wish AKB would “just sing for ‘Kouhaku’, at least.” Well, it’s alright if they don’t sing. Though I hope they’ll decide to bring up the quality of their lip sync game for “Kouhaku.”
What I’ve seen from AKB is that two people use one microphone, so one person is way too far from it and, conversely, the other one is unreasonably close. It’s like they have no awareness of the situation. If you’re going to be lip syncing, then be charming about it and for god’s sake take some proper lessons.
Well, I won’t say, “Get the fuck out” or anything. But there are a lot of people for whom going on “Kouhaku” is their life’s goal, so I hope that if you’re going to perform, at least take it seriously.
I suppose AKB must think about what they can do differently on “Kouhaku” compared to other programs. But that said, the songs are being played from the CD. They don’t change, do they. The choreography is changed a little to suit “Kouhaku” perhaps it’s alright to keeping things aimed at the wota but there’s nothing to appeal to regular people who only know the name AKB, is there. And, so, the young generation’s emotional attachment to “Kouhaku” will only be that deep.
On last year’s “Kouhaku,” three AKB groups--AKB48, SKE48, NMB48--were chosen, although ordinary people clearly don’t know what the difference between the three groups is.
In the past I'd have vomited up poison sentiments like, “Three groups, you have to be kidding me!! If you have that many slots, give one to ‘Momusu’!” I’d have expected to shout,“Is this year the ‘Lip Sync Uta Gassen’?!”
Well, I felt more like, “Hmm, so three of them going on, huh?” Even though I should be like, “What? Why?” about “Momusu” not getting selected. It was while I was wondering why I didn’t have that reaction I noticed that, “Ah, I’ve already lost my interest in ‘Kouhaku.’”
I touched on this before. When I heard that Sabu-chan, who had reached the milestone of performing 50 times, was graduating from “Kouhaku,” it felt like the end. Although I’d had the same type of premonition when we reached the end of Kobayashi Sachiko and her flashy costumes. To a large extent, TV Tokyo’s New Year’s Eve broadcast of 『年忘れにっぽんの歌』 [Toshiwasure Nippon no Uta; End of the Year Drinking Party with Japan’s Songs] is more my image of “Kouhaku”. What’s the point of saying any of this. I’ll write it how ever many times I need to, “Kouhaku” is different from other productions.
When the performance has a backbone, that’s entertainment, darling.
Towards the end of 2013, with all this happening, I had a little chat with a certain member of AKB48. That girl was in her own world talking about things like, “So-and-so from Team A is a little off” and “I want to do more handshake events to get more fans.”
Do you know what I told her? I said, “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. And as far as I know, the Japanese public has no interest in it, either.” Her face said she understood and that she didn’t understand.
Although AKB were also extremely busy in 2013~2014 and were on TV constantly, the “calories” in the girls’ performances and songs simply aren’t there for me.
Making themselves stand out, using “political” tricks to curry favor with the core fanbase, getting in each other’s way behind the scenes, all so the members can raise their standing in the general election. I have a feeling this becomes their entire world. I suppose, of course, that the battles are in the girls’ own style but if they have that much free time, they really should polish up their performances. Instead of just buttering up the fans, they should be showing as many people as possible the results of their practice.
They have none of those kind of calories, I believe. That is, don’t you think the only calories they have are regarding the fans who purchase 2 cardboard boxes of CDs? “I’m not going to let you escape!” That’s certainly the type of calorie I see.
Once, when AKB were getting criticism for the sales method of including handshake event tickets in their CDs, Oshima Yuko, who graduated in June 2014, said, “We’re doing our best and selling this much. What’s so wrong with that?” I really can’t disagree.
But while those words have an incredible number of calories for the people who hand over money for CDs, for people who don’t spend money, for the people who don’t especially like AKB, nothing comes across.
For example, aren’t they embarrassed to perform in a big production like “Kouhaku Uta Gassen” with those calories? Won’t they show us what they’re made of? This is what I’ve been thinking.
The thing is, people probably only really know the already graduated Oshima Yuko and Maeda Atsuko. Because there were people who watched AKB when they started becoming active. But there are so many members we don’t know.
In the end, the girls are riding on the conveyor belt that ends with a “tepid product.” Older idols were on a similar conveyor belt but, for example, even if they were bad at singing, there was a strong impression of, “It’ll be embarrassing if I don’t do my best to sing.” Those are calories you can grab on to. Asada Miyoko was one like that. Sakurada Junko, who was married in that mass wedding ceremony, was good at singing though.
In May of 2013, a considerably plumped up Junko-chan was spotted at the all-night wake for Sun Music President Aizawa “Foster Parent” Hideyoshi and people wrote online about how she was “fat”, among other things. Unfortunate, wasn’t it. That November, when she returned to the stage after 22 years for a one-night-only fan appreciation event, she’d trimmed down and made herself presentable, right? More than simply standing on stage again, that showed she had enough backbone to not betray her old fans.
But AKB has none of that backbone. That’s because only the hardcore fans watch them. Certainly there’s no betrayal for the hardcore fan who buys 2 cardboard boxes of CDs. But is it right? Is it right to have nothing to offer other people, the people who merely end up singing AKB songs to themselves? That way of thinking makes me sick.
It’s fine that there are people who are happy with AKB like this. But, from the point of view of people like me who aren’t AKB wota, when they show up on TV and on stage, I do hope they’ll whip up some entertainment.
Even for the people who are like, “I’ve heard that AKB are popular but what is it about them?” They’ve got to set the low bar at making those people say something like, “They may only have popularity going for them but they can perform.” Naturally, when one only has superficial training and performs superficial songs, one becomes disagreeable.
Except to happily watching fans, AKB are not all that different from high school students, girls whose names we don’t know standing up in pseudo-school uniforms. If they don’t take pleasure in anything seeing them once is more than enough, in my opinion.
It’s fine if they still do variety shows. I mean, after all, when it’s a variety show, it becomes a question of interest. If you hate it, you don’t have to watch it. But music is different.
I know it’s not the girls’ fault. They have no authority. That’s why I want the people around the girls to hold some love for them. My god, at least they should give them some well-written songs.
A group of passionate people will give a performance some calories.
All singers are commercial products. But against that backdrop, don’t we see when, “Some people are incredibly passionate about that singer.” When we can sense those calories, it means the performance also becomes entertaining. It’s not just the enthusiasm of the performer but the soul of a group of people who are have love, passion, they’ll give a performance some calories.
The recent dances from “Morning Musume” now “Morning Musume ‘14” don’t look like something ordinary people can sink their teeth into. The dancing is also something a novice couldn’t do. This makes you feel like something has a lot of calories, doesn’t it.
For me, once again coming to like Momusu at this age, of course it’s because I’ve seen them perform. So, I’ve noticed Hello-Pro’s amazingness once again. I thought, they do things differently from AKB, don’t they. Well, I suppose it’s because AKB exists, that Hello-Pro has taken the strategy of doing things at a higher level.
Of course, I’ve been pleased with Momusu from the beginning because the melody lines are totally in the style of kayoukyoku. The songs Tsunku ♂-san writes are, truly, descended from the royalty of 1980s-era idol songs. Tsutsumi Kyouhei-san understands, too.
What’s amazing about is Tsunku ♂-san is that he some~times writes “LOVE マシーン” [LOVE Machine] -like “Supporting Japan”-like, fired up lyrics. Right in the middle of the economic bust there’s “ニッポンの未来は世界がうらやむ” [The world is jealous of Japan’s future], it’s a little embarrassing listening to the message he’s written. Naturally, Tsunku ♂-san is a big deal.
On the one hand, AKB’s songs don’t reach the hearts of ordinary Japanese people. And why not? Darlings, in the end, it’s because the songs are aimed at wota. Even doing the same type of love songs, girls and adults can’t identify with the lyrics that feed the delusional idol masturbation fantasies of their disgusting virgin fans, can they. Whether or not there’s a message citizens can have joint ownership of is important, you know.
Although I suppose there are also people who say, “I don’t especially want idols telling me about Japan’s future.” When something has substantial calories, not matter what your personal taste you can’t help thinking about it. And that’s also tied to my criticism.
AKB is like watching a video of the bride and groom’s childhood at a wedding reception
At first, I also felt like AKB had some calories. And on top of that I reacted against those calories, snapping at the girls and the girls’ supporters. Now, at last, I have no interest in them at all. I don’t even want to criticise them anymore. AKB doesn’t make me feel a thing.
How should I put it. That feeling of being at a wedding reception and watching an unending video of the bride and groom’s past. The content is weak and you feel like, “Hurry up and end!”
In the beginning, Akimoto Yasushi-san had the concept of “Idols you can meet.” But you can’t think big with that style, can you? The format had no plan for what would happen if they become too big. I think that is the main reason they became mismatched.
Kanagawa Prefecture governor Kuroija Yuuji’s joined with 1500 people to dance to “恋するフォーチュンクッキー” [Koi suru fortune cookie; A fortune cookie to fall in love], the song for which Sashihara Rino, who won the top spot in the 2013 AKB general election, served as center. This went on the video streaming site “You Tube.”
That, when I saw that, I was utterly embarrassed. I thought they were idiots. Even the American ambassador to Japan, Caroline Kennedy, danced while she was visiting Kanagawa prefecture. What was she thinking?
I dare say, some public relations firm must have whispered to the prefectural office, “If you do AKB’s dance now, your image will be boosted.” And the prefectural office fell for it. It seems like whatever they were thinking was shallow. But, if my agent said, “It won’t be popular for much longer so if you don’t do it now you won’t have another chance. This is the last fart.” That would be nice though, wouldn’t it.
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To the extent that I was able, I attempted to incorporate English drag queen speech to reflect Matsuko’s very hyper-stylized way of writing and speaking. Matsuko uses an extremely hyper-feminine manner of speech that as far as I can tell is the Japanese equivalent of how drag legends like Lady Bunny speak when they are on stage and in character.
Any parenthetical asides are all Matsuko’s unless specifically noted. I did supply the “American” measurements where cm measurements are mentioned.
Morning Musume (under the Hello! Project/ “Hello Pro” umbrella) and AKB48 are two different rotating groups of girl idols. The closest American parallel I can think of is the *NSYNC vs. Backstreet Boys. It’s my impression that fans tend to strongly prefer one over the other. For later reference, here is the current list of Morning Musume members.
Matsuko emphasises words by setting them in brackets like this:「無頼」. For the purposes of this essay, I’ve set those words in quotation marks. They include 「無頼」 (burai) which has an old fashioned samurai feeling of “villain” or “rake” to it. 「奔放な女」 (honpou na onna) literally an uninhibited woman but with a feel of the hippie-dippie “wild child.” 「間男」 (maotoko) “part-time lover” in the Stevie Wonder sense of the term. 「伝統」 (dentou) also as 「伝統芸」 (dentou-gei) tradition and traditional/signature art. It’s very amusing to see these words applied to Morning Musume. 「化け物」 (bakemono) is a monster, ghost, etc. 「異物」 (ibutsu) “foreign substance” which I saw used in reference to things like bacteria in McDonald’s meat.
Hino Shohei (火野正平) is apparently known as “the entertainment world’s original playboy.” He’s gone through strings of women and it’s easy to see why. He was quite cute back in the day!
“Minako” is the wife/ex-wife on Japanese reality show 『痛快!ビッグダディ』(Tsuukai! Big Daddy; What a thrill! Big Daddy). She is an American-style hot mess along the lines of Kate Gosselin or Mama June. Frankly, once I read about Big Daddy, I was surprised TLC hadn’t bought it and dubbed it for American audiences!
7. I’m using “grand finale” as a stand-in for 大トリ or “phoenix” because the term refers to the final, mega-blowout act that ends Kouhaku. And it seemed a little too precious to use "oo-tori" but I could be persuaded to keep it in.
8. Kobushi is a musical term without an English equivalent. It’s a vocal technique used in enka singing--a sort of wide, slow “vibratto.”
9. Wada Akiko’s “famous” grand finale scene where she puts aside her mic was in 1998. It’s as she sings the line, “I want to sing for you” she drops her mic and just sings to the crowd, live, really pushing her voice as far as it will go. And you can see her trying to hold back tears. It’s quite something to watch.
10. For my money, the best part of the 2012 Kouhaku was Hosokawa Takashi being delightfully baffled by Momoiroclover Z with the bonus of respected actress Kiki Kirin being unable to control her giggles in the audience and young, pedigreed kabuki actor Nakamura Kankurou has no idea what to do about respected actress Kiki Kirin busting a gut next to him.
11. Just like in the UK with the BBC, Japan’s citizens pay a “license fee” to use their TVs that goes to public broadcast station NHK.
12. I thought I should clarify that Matsuko uses the terms 気合い、気合を入れる、and サービス which I have done the best I could to work into English concepts. Something like "enthuasiasm," "to be fired up/pumped up", and "gift/fan service". I'd be happy to have a discussion on these in the comments. English doesn't really have the same range of words. Maybe in sports vocabulary? But would Matsuko be using sports terms... probably not. That's my take, anyways.
13. Matsuko literally uses 熱量 netsuryou or “calorie” throughout this last section.
14. If you don’t remember the fuss caused by the mass weddings held by Korean cult leader Sun Myung Moon, you must be younger than Matsuko and me. You can Google “Moonie mass wedding” or have a Buzzfeed photo spread on it.
15. Kayoukyoku are… how to describe this… they the “popular songs” of the Showa era. Not enka and not the modern R&B-dance influenced pop more like Burt Bacharach, Serge Gainsbourg, the Carpenters… that kind of pop sound. But Japanese.